10 Days

I am on my tenth smoke free day. The cravings have decreased in intensity but not in frequency. I have more triggers than I realized, but that is to be expected I suppose. I have been a smoker for more time than I have not been a smoker and there are many things that remind me of smoking and give me the urge to smoke. Success has provided great positive reinforcement and motivation though. Each day does get easier. I feel my success at this point relies on me remembering to take Zyban. If I forget to take the medicine in the morning, my urges to smoke are more difficult to control. I only have two more months on the Zyban and then I am on my own. I think by that time I will be okay.

For those who are trying to quit smoking too, I really appreciate your encouragement and wish you success as well. Having a plan this time around has really helped me. A plan, coffee and some mild anti-depressants are all you really need to succeed in any endeavor right?

On an unrelated note I am reading Nicholas Baker's The Anthologist. So far I dig the way this dude writes. His style reminds me of Chuck Palahniuk if Chuck had manners and wrote about poetry and heartbreak instead of bodily fluids and sexual depravity. Finding a good new book reminds me of why I decided an English degree was worth 4 years of my life and a monthly student loan payment.

My cup is almost empty and a little too cold for my taste which means it's time for a refill. With that, I will go until next time.

Tobacco Free for 84 Hours and Counting

Yep. I am counting hours at this early juncture. I did not quit on 4/07 as I had originally planned because I had a half pack of cigarettes left and my addict mind would not let me give them up without smoking them. I managed to make that half pack last until Wednesday night at 7:30pm when I smoked the last cigarette I ever want to smoke. Thursday at work I was smoke free and in for some crap. I had forgotten that my weekly 1 hour of phone time was scheduled for that morning. I got through it okay and even fixed some people's problems to boot. Not too bad for having taken roughly 12 phone calls in the last 6 years. I am much better at supporting agents than I am at doing their job. The phone time was enough to make me crave a cigarette as if I were a heroin junkie in need of a fix. The only difference I see is that with cigarettes, everyone is holding. To make sure I knew what it means to really crave though, I got to sit through a crowded two hour state of the company meeting that afternoon. I couldn't think or see straight by the time that thing was over. I got through it though. I have not exactly been a dynamo at work, but I have managed to do my job and haven't yelled at anyone yet.

This morning Christina is asleep and I have the house to myself. I know that she keeps cigarettes in her purse. I know where her purse is. I am tempted to smoke one of her cigarettes. It will not happen. I am committed to being a non-smoker for the rest of my life. I owe myself much better than a regular intake of poison.

It occurs to me that billions of people do not smoke and do not have a problem not smoking. There is nothing special about not smoking. It is just like not being a crackhead, heroin junkie, or an alcoholic – there is nothing special about it. Most people are not crackheads, heroin junkies, or alcoholics. They do not get 30 day chips. They do not differentiate between belly button birthdays and sobriety birthdays. They simply do not take the substances. While I am glad that I am a beginning non-smoker, I am not special and this not smoking thing I am doing is not special. I am only not doing what billions of other people are not doing. Now if someone tries to get me to give up coffee, we are going to have problems. Coffee is special and people who do not drink coffee should not be trusted.