Who Writes about Nothing?

So I am poking around the internets listening to music and drinking coffee. I'm minding my own and not bothering a soul when I find this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noumenon. I defy a living person to explain what the hell this means. It appears to me that the person writing the Wikipedia entry did not grasp the concept either, but that is just the way I experience the phenomena or is it noumena? I read it a few times through and understood it less each time. Phenomena, noumenon what the freaking hell?

Here is the most succinct thing in the entire entry and the only thing that shows any promise of shedding any light on this for me. Noumenon is "That which is tangible but not perceivable, the reflection of phenomenon." The problem with this succinct explanation is that it appears to make sense, but does not in fact make any sense. Read it a couple times.

I am ready to start seeping brain cells out of my eye sockets. There is nothing that is tangible but not perceivable. Anything that you can touch, you can perceive. Am I right? The perception is likely wrong, skewed, bigoted, loony, biased, or how ever else your world soiled mind colors it, but it is perceived. We must then be talking about nothing when we talk about noumenon, and if we are talking about nothing, why?

A normal person might have stopped there. A normal person might have said "right then, it is about nothing. I see. Well then let's move on to something that is about something." Normal people don't live here. I kept reading. I thought maybe there would be another gem of a sentence buried somewhere in the mess that would make my dim bulb get bright. Why would anyone take the time to write so much about nothing? There must be something to it. Yeah, you know what I found? A bunch more nothing. I am banning myself from Wikipedia and all of philosophy for some arbitrary time period. That stuff just does not mix well with coffee and early morning.

Quitting Again

I am currently a smoker. I have been a smoker off and on again for many years. I believe I started sneaking cigarettes when I was about 14. I quit for a while when I was in the Navy and I quit for about a year and a half from age 25 through to almost 27. I wish I had never started smoking again after that, but I did. I eased myself back into being a smoker with cigars which led to black and milds which led to menthol cigarettes for some inexplicable reason. I had never enjoyed menthol cigarettes previously. If there is one thing above all others that I truly regret, it is that I ever started smoking again.

Since I started back on the evil evil things, I have been afraid to try to stop again. The few times I have tried I have given up quickly. I tried to quit with the patch when I was an intern teacher. That was a recipe for disaster. I would go all day without smoking which destroyed any clear thinking or concentration of which I was otherwise capable. The patches could not deliver enough nicotine to my system, or maybe my brain is wired to believe that if it doesn't come in the form of smoke, it isn't real nicotine. I don't know. I do know that I was so out of it by the time school was over each day that I had tunnel vision and could not function until I could smoke.

I made a serious effort to try to quit again in 2006. I thought I would be smart this time and go back to the doctor, tell my story, and see what she could do for me. Chantix nearly killed me. I will not go into details, but if you are trying to quit smoking, I do not recommend Chantix. I followed the instructions. My cravings for cigarettes never went away, and my world became a dark sad place - darker and sadder then I had ever known. It is not an experience I wish to go through ever again. If Chantix were the only way a person could lose the nasty habit of smoking, then I am going to be smoker until it kills me.

But Chantix is not the only way and I am not going to remain a smoker until it kills me. I am going to take back the part of my life smoking controls. I am tired of the feeling of needing a cigarette. I am tired of rushing through things so I can take a break and smoke a cigarette. I am tired of the stink cigarette smoke leaves on everything. I am tired of spending good money after bad money on things that are harming my health. It is time to quit for the last time.

I know I need help to quit smoking. The cravings I have for cigarettes are too intense to do this cold turkey without serious risks to innocent bystanders. My previous most successful respite from smoking came from the use of a product called Zyban. I learned later that it is actually an antidepressant called buproprion. Whatever it is, it worked like a charm. I followed the instructions and I no longer had unbearable cravings for a cigarette. The withdrawal symptoms were mild. I mostly remember being a little distracted and nervous for a couple of weeks. This past Wednesday I went to the doctor for an unrelated reason. While I was there I asked about using Zyban to stop smoking again. I was able to purchase a 30 day supply for less than $15. I have set a quit date two weeks from the day I started taking the medication. This will allow enough time for the buproprion to build up in my system. As of April 7^th 2010, I will be a former smoker.

Why Do I Wake up with a Song in My Head?

I have woken up to a song in my head most mornings for as long as I can remember. Recently I have started trying to find the song on Rhapsody and listening to it as soon as possible after waking up. I will sometimes post what I am listening to on Twitter to keep a record of the songs. These are not always songs I would typically listen to or that I remember hearing recently. I don't know an explanation as to how or why my subconscious picked the song for that day. I am not a follower of dream interpretation nor do I believe that dreams necessarily have a deeper meaning. I subscribe to the belief that dreams are just the noise the mind makes while it is downloading all the information it has been subjected to over the course of the day. I do not usually remember my dreams more than a few minutes after I wake up, but I do remember the music my mind plays. Sometimes it will stay with me through the day. I will consider myself lucky that my mind acts like an ipod on shuffle playing me random music to start my day. It is probably pointless to try to figure our why it chooses the songs it does. I would most likely be disappointed if I knew the answer. I will just enjoy the music if it is music I enjoy. If not, I will play some music I do like to drown it. After all, who is in charge here me or my subconscious mind? I am no Tyler Durden. I hope.

My Neurotic Dog

I am sure it is my fault that the dog is so messed up. I regret leaving my bronchitis inhaler where he could find it and eat it when he was just a young pup. The method I chose for house training him probably didn't help matters much either. Yelling at the top of my lungs, running at full speed to grab him and put him outside, and not letting him back inside for long durations probably caused some trauma in his early life. It was a very long time before he could see me and be able to complete a bowel movement - even if he was outside where such things were okay. I am also sorry that there were times in his formative years that I did not keep regular hours and he did not see me for long periods of time. I made sure he was fed and had access to fresh water, but I still think it scarred him a little. For instance, he will not eat his food unless I am home. He will go all day with a full bowl of food and even though he acts like he is starving when I get home, he will not touch the food until I am there. I believe this stems from his fear of abandonment.  I think he wants to make sure that there will be someone to provide him with another meal before he will eat the one he has. About abandonment issues, the dog must be near enough to touch me, if not touching me if we are in the same room. It is not good enough if I rest my foot lightly on him. He has to be the one with his paw over my foot or if he is sitting up, his full weight leaning on my leg. If he feels it is time to be petted, he will stick his nose under my hand and push up so he can be petted. It's nice that he is so self sufficient, but his nose is often cold and moist which can be unpleasant. He is independent when he wants to be. If we are outside and it is time to come in, he will make sure that it is not because I call him inside.  He asserts his independence by waiting approximately 60 seconds after I have given up trying to call him inside and have closed the door before he will scratch at the door and whine the most annoying whine he can manage. Yes, I let him in when he does this. When I open the door, he strolls in as if nothing's happened. I refrain from kicking him because I don't kick living things. He is lucky. There are a myriad of other neurotic behaviors he exhibits, but I am sure you have heard enough for today and I didn't even mention his demon eyes or his murderous hatred of cats and Frisbees.